What was Donald Trump serious about the Jeffrey Epstein information?
Possibly this:
It’s the center of 2024, and the Epstein information are essential to my presidential marketing campaign. My base thinks the information will show that Democratic pedophiles run the nation. I’m alleged to launch the information, expose the pedophiles, and cleanse the nation of the Democratic elite cabal.
Does anybody actually imagine that crap? Thank God for QAnon.
Anyway, I notice there’s a bunch of stuff within the Epstein information that makes me look fairly unhealthy.
The heck with it! I’ll decide to launch the information anyway. Possibly of us can have forgotten about Epstein by the point I’m inaugurated.
It’s now the summer time of 2025, and folks nonetheless bear in mind the Epstein information.
What can I say now to keep away from releasing the information, which comprise that incriminating materials?
Possibly I’ll say that we are able to’t launch the information as a result of they comprise second- and third-hand info which will injury the status of harmless folks.
Wait a minute; nobody will imagine that. Have you ever seen how a lot I care concerning the reputations of harmless folks? Hell, I’ve been ordered to pay tens of thousands and thousands of {dollars} to E. Jean Carroll for having defamed her. I’m unsure I ought to speak about defending the reputations of harmless folks.
What else can I say to keep away from releasing the information?
Possibly I ought to say that the information will unfairly incriminate folks. No. My base is aware of that the information are incriminating; that’s why folks wish to see the rattling issues. That gained’t work.
Possibly I ought to say that I can’t launch the Epstein information as a result of they comprise the names of underage victims of sexual abuse.
I don’t actually care about underage women. I used to go strolling across the dressing room of a Miss Teenage America pageant. However I’m unsure that excuse will work. If anybody actually cares about younger victims of sexual abuse, we may simply redact the names of the youngsters.
I assume there’s just one factor for me to do: Deny that there’s something fascinating within the Epstein information. My base will in all probability imagine me — God, I like the deplorables! — and that can put the entire difficulty behind me.
Shoot! Individuals aren’t believing me. They nonetheless wish to see the information. I assume we’ve been speaking about Epstein for too lengthy. Even my base isn’t silly sufficient to let me renege on my promise to launch the information. And now the Democrats are piling on. What’s going to I do?
Possibly I ought to say that I can’t launch the Epstein information as a result of they comprise secret grand jury supplies.
I certain don’t give a rattling about grand jury supplies. What the hell’s a grand jury, anyway? Moreover, I’m immune from prison prosecution, to allow them to’t prosecute me if I illegally launch grand jury supplies.
However I don’t even should launch the stuff! I’ll inform Pam Bondi to launch “grand jury testimony,” if courts authorize it. The courts could not authorize it. Even when they do, the grand jury would have investigated solely Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell; prosecutors wouldn’t have requested any questions on me. As long as we launch solely “grand jury testimony,” and never the “Epstein information,” I’m in all probability okay.
Shoot! The Wall Avenue Journal is about to report on the birthday be aware that I allegedly despatched to Epstein that implies that I’d allegedly find out about his fondness for underage women. What’s going to I do now?
I’ll have my thugs name Rupert Murdoch and inform him to not publish!
Didn’t work.
I’ll have my thugs name the editor on the Journal and demand that she not publish!
Didn’t work.
I’ll threaten to sue the Journal! (I do know that’s ridiculous, as a result of a lawsuit would solely draw consideration to the difficulty, and discovery within the lawsuit can be horribly embarrassing to me, however what can I do? You must threaten to sue, and usually comply with by way of, to keep away from trying weak.)
That didn’t work both.
What do I do now?
Faux information!
Something that doesn’t flatter me is at all times faux information.
It’s a bifurcated world: There’s solely flattering information and pretend information. There are solely judges who rule in my favor and judges who’re corrupt, communist Democrats. I’ll simply use the outdated faux information ploy: I’ll insist the birthday be aware to Epstein is a faux!
This’ll be tough to tug off. The be aware is included with a bunch of others in a guide that celebrated Epstein’s fiftieth birthday. The corporate that revealed the guide in all probability has proof that the contributors truly despatched of their contributions. Scores of people that wrote different notes for Jeff will in all probability concede that their notes are actual. Is my alleged be aware the one faux be aware? Who faked it, and when?
Jesus — Ghislaine Maxwell assembled the guide for Jeff, and she or he’s nonetheless alive. She may testify that she didn’t concoct stuff to place within the guide.
Screw it. Who offers a rattling?
I’m gonna insist that the Journal concocted the be aware and by some means positioned it in a guide that was revealed 20 years in the past. Possibly they knew I’d be elected president. Or perhaps Obama, or Biden, or Comey concocted the be aware.
I haven’t labored this out but, however a kind of issues ought to work.
What in the event that they don’t work? Even my base won’t be that silly.
I assume, in the long run, it gained’t matter. I’ve been discovered accountable for sexual assault (which, within the frequent which means of the phrases, constituted rape). I’ve been accused of sexual assault by dozens of different girls. My voice is on tape speaking about grabbing girls by the pussy. The entire world is aware of about Stormy Daniels.
None of that made any distinction.
So the birthday be aware will likely be made public, and each considering individual will know that it’s actual.
In fact it’s not simply the be aware.
Epstein and I had been “finest associates” for a protracted, very long time.
I fought fairly rattling exhausting to maintain your complete Epstein file from being made public, so there’s in all probability another incriminating stuff in there, too.
The hell with it; I’ll be incriminated.
I can’t be prosecuted, even when there’s proof of criminality within the information.
The Republicans in Congress certain aren’t going to question me over this.
I assume I’ll simply have a stain on my status.
One other stain on my status?
I don’t even care if that’s faux information. It’s mainly no information in any respect.
Mark Herrmann spent 17 years as a companion at a number one worldwide legislation agency and later oversaw litigation, compliance and employment issues at a big worldwide firm. He’s the creator of The Curmudgeon’s Information to Working towards Legislation and Drug and Machine Product Legal responsibility Litigation Technique (affiliate hyperlinks). You possibly can attain him by e mail at [email protected].
