Analysis reveals that your probability of discovering love relies upon largely in your causes for looking out … Extra for it within the first place. Right here’s why.getty
Romantic relationships are considered virtually universally as probably the most vital milestones in life, which all folks ought to obtain sooner or later or one other. For some, it is a nice motivator; for others, this instills a way of strain.
That mentioned, not all folks pursue romantic relationships because of this alone. There’s even a rising inhabitants of people who aren’t inclined to seek for a associate in any respect.
These differing motivations (or lack thereof) had been researcher and lead creator Geoff MacDonald’s fundamental inspiration in a Could 2025 examine revealed in Persona and Social Psychology Bulletin. Extra particularly, he sought to uncover which motivations had been related to better and sooner romantic success — if any in any respect.
The Completely different Motivations For Romantic Pursuit
To evaluate what motivates people of their pursuit for a relationship, MacDonald developed a 24-item questionnaire. In complete, the measure assesses six core classes of motivation, all of which stem from Self-Dedication Idea.
Within the preliminary examine of over 1,200 single adults, MacDonald and his workforce had been in a position to affiliate these completely different motivations with a bunch of persona traits:
Intrinsic motivation. Pursuing a relationship just because it feels pleasurable, significant or fulfilling. These people search a associate as a result of they genuinely love connecting and sharing their life with another person. The examine confirmed these people to have safe attachment types and stronger social targets, in addition to a better curiosity in dedicated relationships (versus informal ones).
Recognized motivation. Pursuing a relationship as a result of it strongly aligns with one’s life targets and private values. Usually, these people search a associate attributable to how extremely they worth the beliefs of companionship and household. These people had related attachments, targets and romantic pursuits to these of intrinsically motivated folks.
Optimistic introjected motivation. Pursuing a relationship with a view to really feel happy with oneself, extra competent and even validated. These people would possibly search a associate for the sake of feeling admired or achieved for merely having one. The examine discovered these people to be extra liable to anxious attachment types, in addition to the concern of being single.
Adverse introjected motivation. Pursuing a relationship with a view to keep away from emotions of guilt, disgrace or inadequacy. For these people, failing to discover a associate equates to failure — or makes them petrified of judgment from others. Unsurprisingly, these people had been additionally liable to the concern of being single, in addition to anxious attachment types.
Exterior motivation. Pursuing a relationship as a result of others anticipate it of them, or for the promise of a reward. These people might search a associate attributable to strain from their households, or for the sake of getting monetary or social securities. They too had been discovered to have anxious attachments and fears of singlehood.
Amotivation. No clear want (or purpose) to pursue a relationship in any respect. These people might really feel utterly detached to the thought of discovering a associate; they may undergo the motions of courting, with out ever actually figuring out why they’re doing it. The examine famous that this lack of motivation was mostly related to avoidant attachment types, in addition to lesser curiosity in being severely romantically concerned with others.
“Self-Dedication Idea was helpful as a result of it focuses on a wide range of causes folks pursue targets,” defined MacDonald in an interview with PsyPost. He continued, “And I believe most individuals know that there’s some combine of those at play when they’re fascinated about courting.”
Based mostly on this six-factor framework, MacDonald and his analysis workforce assessed the extent to which these motivations influenced people’ want to discover a associate. In flip, they had been in a position to predict which of those motivations — or combination thereof — led to success find a romantic relationship.
Which Motivations Led To Romantic Success
Within the second half of the 2025 examine, MacDonald and his co-authors assessed over 3,000 single adults’ motivations for locating a associate utilizing their newly developed 24-item scale. Six months later, they checked in to see which of those individuals had been capable of finding a associate.
General, individuals with intrinsic and recognized motivations had been more likely to discover a associate within the six-month timespan. That’s, people who sought relationships as a result of they considered them as both pleasurable or personally invaluable had extra success than those that didn’t.
As MacDonald defined in his interview, “The individuals who each reported that they felt extra prepared for a relationship and had been extra more likely to be partnered six months later had been those that mentioned they had been desirous about a relationship as a result of they get pleasure from them and since it was an vital life objective.”
In distinction, he defined, “The individuals who had been extra strongly motivated to be in a relationship to keep away from feeling dangerous about themselves had been notably unlikely to be in a relationship six months later.”
What Motivates You?
If, regardless of your finest efforts, you haven’t fairly discovered your particular person but, it is perhaps value taking a second to ask your self what’s really driving your want.
We’re advised so usually that discovering love is a milestone now we have to try for. In flip, we’ve come to equate relationships as indicators of maturity, safety and even success. However the second we internalize these reasonings is the second we begin chasing a relationship for causes that don’t actually serve us within the grand scheme of life.
So, take a second to be sincere with your self:
Would you like a relationship since you suppose it is going to make you’re feeling extra worthy, achieved or lovable?
Would being partnered make you’re feeling validated? Such as you’ve lastly “made it”?
Do you’re feeling ashamed or embarrassed for nonetheless being single, as if it says one thing about your worth?
Do you view a relationship as one thing that may please your loved ones, assist you slot in socially or give you safety?
If any of those questions resonate with you, you haven’t any purpose to really feel ashamed. Nonetheless, it ought to immediate you to pause and verify in with your self earlier than persevering with your seek for love. Usually, lasting and fulfilling relationships aren’t born misplaced of strain, concern or ego.
As MacDonald places it, “It’s boring outdated knowledge, however I believe there’s something to the concept that it’s essential to get proper with your self first earlier than placing your self on the market.”
Persevering with, he explains, “Once you get to a spot the place a relationship looks like it will be pleasurable and significant for its personal sake, and never a lot about validating your ego, that is perhaps an indication that you just’re prepared.”
Love is one thing that, for a majority of individuals, you merely should study to develop into; it’s not a title or standing it’s important to earn or vie for. The extra sincere you might be with your self about why you need it, the earlier you’ll discover a associate who sees the nice in sharing their life with you.
Is the concern of being single sabotaging your seek for love? Take this science-backed check to search out out: Concern of Being Single Scale
