Jon Stewart on Trump’s Epstein scandal: ‘How do you expect the media to move on, when Trump has such a hard time doing so?’ | Late-night TV roundup

Late-night hosts adopted Donald Trump and his Jeffrey Epstein scandal to Scotland, the place he discovered new methods to place his foot in his mouth.Jon StewartDonald Trump headed to Scotland this week, nominally to work on a commerce cope with the European Union, but in addition to place “an ocean’s distance between himself and the Epstein scandal”, stated Jon Stewart on Monday’s Day by day Present.However “how do you anticipate the media to maneuver on, when Trump has such a tough time doing so?” he questioned.Stewart performed a clip of a Scottish reporter asking Trump, “Mr President, was a part of the push to get this deal finished to knock the Jeffrey Epstein story out?”“He’s all like, ‘How did you even hear about … I assumed you guys simply obtained Baywatch like three months in the past?’” Stewart laughed. “‘Doesn’t anyone right here have a query about this commerce deal sinking each of our economies with tariffs?’”In response to the query, Trump supplied what Stewart known as his “13 Causes Why I’m Not Concerned with a Pedophile”.Cause primary, as Trump advised reporters in Scotland: “These information had been run by the worst scum on Earth. If that they had one thing, they’d have launched them. Now, they will simply put one thing within the information that’s a phoney.”“It’s easy,” Stewart translated. “‘If I, Donald Trump, was within the information, they’d have launched it. So clearly, I’m not within the information. However after all, I’m clearly within the information, which makes them phoney.’”Trump went on to say that he reduce ties with Epstein as a result of he did one thing inappropriate. The purple line? Epstein employed a few of Trump’s low-level staff from him.“You all know him as Jeffrey Epstein the intercourse trafficker. However I knew his darkish aspect,” Stewart mocked. “I imply, the intercourse trafficking, I used to be like … OK? However he was additionally a low-level worker poacher. And that, I can not have.”And eventually, Trump supplied this protection for by no means having visited Epstein’s personal island: “I by no means had the privilege of going to his island, and I did flip it down.”“The privilege? The fuck?” Stewart laughed. “‘Hey Donald, you need to go to the island this weekend?’ ‘Nicely, to start with, Jeffrey, thanks for pondering of me. Sadly, that’s the weekend that the teenager pageant that I purchased is putting in the indoor safety locker room cameras.’”Seth MeyersOn Late Evening, Seth Meyers additionally tracked Trump’s makes an attempt to distract from the Epstein scandal, beginning with an especially lengthy rant about windmills. “Am I the one one noticing that he’s saying worse issues about windmills than he says about Jeffrey Epstein?” Meyers questioned. “At this charge, we’ll most likely discover some outdated images of Trump posing at his golf membership with a windmill.”However regardless of his greatest efforts, Trump couldn’t escape the Epstein story. At a gathering with the British prime minister, Keir Starmer, on Monday, Trump fumed to reporters: “I by no means went to the island, and Invoice Clinton went there supposedly 28 occasions … and lots of different folks, who’re very large folks, went there and nobody talks about them. I by no means had the privilege of going to his island.”“You had been doing actually good proper till privilege,” Meyers laughed. “Privilege was not the phrase you wished to make use of.“Privilege makes it appear to be you by no means turned down an invite,” he added. “It looks like you had been checking your messages daily, in hopes one was forthcoming.”Requested why, after greater than a decade of shut friendship, he and Epstein had a falling out, Trump answered: “That’s such outdated historical past. Very simple to elucidate, however I don’t need to waste your time by explaining it. However for years, I wouldn’t speak to Jeffrey Epstein. I wouldn’t speak, as a result of he did one thing inappropriate.”“All proper, effectively you realize what? That’s reassuring,” stated Meyers. “You realized Epstein was a monster and as quickly as you discovered the horrible fact, you threw him out of Mar-a-Lago and reduce him out of your life for good.”Besides, what Trump really deemed inappropriate was stealing staffers away from him. “As a result of he poached your worker?!” Meyers marveled. “You’re making it a lot worse, dude. I can’t imagine I’m saying this, however possibly it is best to return to speaking about windmills.”Stephen Colbert“In the event you’re questioning why you’re feeling a bit of bit higher about America right this moment, it’s as a result of Donald Trump is in Scotland,” stated Stephen Colbert on the Late Present. Technically, Trump was throughout the pond for commerce talks with the European Union, “however as at all times, he’s centered a wee bit on stuffing his kilt with money like ground-up organ meat in a sheep’s bladder,” by additionally attending the opening of a brand new golf course bearing his title. “Actually presidential,” Colbert deadpanned.In Scotland, Trump introduced a model new commerce settlement with the European Union, to “change the outdated commerce deal, the place Europe despatched us cheese and wine and in change, we despatched them our most annoying faculty college students”, Colbert joked. The information deal solely raises costs on European items by 15%, as an alternative of Trump’s proposed 30%.Trump introduced the cope with the European fee president, Ursula von der Leyen, with typical bombast: “It’s a superb deal for everyone … I feel you had been saying that is most likely the most important deal that’s ever been reached in any capability, commerce or non-trade,” he stated, to which Von der Leyen merely replied: “It’s.”“Oh, she performed him like a fiddle,” Colbert laughed earlier than mimicking the president. “I feel you had been saying that is the most important deal? That solely the neatest, most good-looking man would’ve agreed to this deal. I feel you had been additionally saying that anybody who agreed to this deal would by no means, ever have been on Jeffrey Epstein’s intercourse island, intercourse aircraft or but to be revealed, intercourse zeppelin.’”