Stephen Colbert: ‘What you thought you knew is just history’ | Late-night TV roundup

Late-night hosts dig into Donald Trump’s firing of the Bureau of Labor Statistics commissioner and an unnerving story about radioactive wasps.Stephen Colbert“You realize one thing? No, you don’t,” mentioned Stephen Colbert on Monday’s Late Present. “As a result of issues can’t be recognized any extra. What you thought you knew is simply historical past.” Particularly historical past, because the Smithsonian eliminated Trump from the impeachment exhibit within the American historical past museum.“Oh, now you care about what’s within the American historical past museum!” Colbert joked to loud boos from the group. “The place was that enthusiasm when dad labored so exhausting to plan the household journey to DC?”The museum reportedly eliminated a label noting each of Trump’s impeachments – for bribing Ukraine, and for his position within the January 6 riots – after stress from a White Home content material overview. “That form of stress explains why the Smithsonian exhibit of the Sixties now says that the Vietnam conflict was began by Jimmy Kimmel,” Colbert joked.The exhibit now says that “solely three presidents have severely confronted removing”, as a substitute of 4. “Come on! In the event you’re going to fully make up presidential historical past, make it enjoyable,” mentioned Colbert.A brand new report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics additionally confirmed that Trump has overseen the worst interval of US job progress because the pandemic. So naturally, Trump responded by firing the top of the Bureau of Labor Statistics. “No, you idiot! Now there’s one much less job,” Colbert joked. “However it is sensible – he fires anybody who provides him unhealthy information.”“Right here’s the issue with this: having individuals within the authorities who know stuff is fairly necessary,” Colbert added. “If Trump begins fudging the job numbers it might backfire, by eroding the belief of traders, firms and organizations.”In different Trump information, the White Home unveiled plans for a brand new $200m ballroom, with gold chandeliers and floor-to-ceiling home windows. “Presidents are allowed to do some renovation, in fact. The Obamas added a vegetable backyard. Truman and Nixon each added bowling lanes, and Jimmy Carter famously added a intercourse dungeon,” Colbert joked.However Trump has already paved over the historic rose backyard with concrete, to make room for extra seating. “It jogs my memory of the poem,” Colbert laughed. “Roses are crimson. Concrete is white. This place seems to be like shit now.”Seth MeyersAnd on Late Night time, Seth Meyers reacted to a report {that a} radioactive wasp nest was discovered at a website in South Carolina that when made nuclear bomb materials. The nest reportedly had nuclear contamination ranges 10 occasions larger than what’s allowed by rules. “I assume my bug spray goes to proceed to not work,” Meyers joked.“I’ve so many questions,” he continued. “What do you imply 10 occasions larger than what’s allowed? I wasn’t conscious there was a sure degree of radiation that’s allowed for wasps. Is there like a candy spot degree that’s low sufficient to not kill us all however excessive sufficient that if a child on a area journey will get bitten he may flip right into a superhero?”“If I’ve spent an excessive amount of time on this wasp story, it’s as a result of the remainder of the information is shit and I’m stalling,” he added, transferring to the subsequent worse story: a product recall of Excessive Midday vodka sodas mislabeled as Celsius Astro Vibe Glowing Blue Razz vitality drinks.“In the event you can’t belief Celsius Astro Vibe Glowing Blue Razz, who are you able to belief?” Meyers quipped. “As a result of, , I care about what I put in my physique. So once I throw again a Celsius Astro Vibe Glowing Blue Razz, I need to realize it has the stuff I care about. Like blue, and razz. Celsius Astro Vibe Glowing Blue Razz could be what made the wasps radioactive?”“I feel we must always embrace this combo transferring ahead, as a result of the 2 issues I would like dwelling in these making an attempt occasions are vitality and to be just a little bit drunk.”Meyers additionally touched on the information that Trump fired the commissioner of the Bureau of Labor Statistics, after his report discovered that US jobs progress had principally floor to a halt. “Trump doesn’t know the best way to remedy an issue. He solely is aware of the best way to cowl it up,” Meyers mentioned. “And that’s the hallmark of a corrupt autocracy. When the numbers are unhealthy, simply hearth the individuals in command of the numbers. In the event you’re caught up in a scandal, dangle a pardon to get out of it.”However “the issue is it’s backfiring”, he concluded. “These tales received’t go away. That’s why Trump at all times seems to be like a man who’s been stung by a thousand radioactive wasps.”