Experience: I was stabbed in the back with a real knife while performing Julius Caesar | Life and style

As somebody dedicated to my craft, I’ve all the time believed that the present should go on. An accident in my second yr of college took it to new extremes. It was the Exeter College theatre society’s annual play on the Edinburgh fringe and I’d landed the a part of Cassius in Julius Caesar. The director determined that as a substitute of killing himself, Cassius would die throughout a choreographed struggle along with his rival, Mark Antony. We additionally selected to make use of actual knives, which sounds absurd, however we wished to be genuine. The plan was for the actor enjoying Antony to seize my arm as I held the knife, and fake to push it behind my again. We will need to have rehearsed the sequence 50 occasions.We have been about midway by means of our month-long run, performing to a decently sized viewers. Wearing our togas, with the stage darkish and moody, we started the struggle as regular. Then one thing went improper.There was a pointy piercing feeling. The knife was purported to have been quietly slipped to me – as a substitute, it had gone into my again. I realised what had occurred whereas appearing out my character’s dying, and considering: I’ve to lie right here till the lights go down.There was a pointy piercing feeling. My coronary heart began to raceAs every part went black earlier than one other scene got here on, I pulled out the knife. That was when my coronary heart began to race. Feeling unusually clear-headed, I rushed off stage into the lobby, my left leg going numb. I instructed the venue employees to name an ambulance. There was nonetheless 1 / 4 of the play to go, and the efficiency continued, the viewers and solid blissfully unaware. Even now, I don’t know what occurred to the knife.The police confirmed up, then the paramedics. I’ve no recollection of the journey to the hospital. My clearest reminiscence is being face down in a hospital mattress, surrounded by docs and nurses. I bear in mind going into an MRI scan and laughing as they eliminated my nipple piercings. Wanting again, it was clear I used to be in shock. It seems the blade had gone 7.8cm deep in my again. It had partially severed a nerve in my spinal twine and missed my aorta by a few centimetre. When a physician instructed me I’d come near dying, and that the play needed to cease utilizing actual knives, I bear in mind considering: “You simply don’t perceive theatre.”The director known as my mother and father, who got here as much as Edinburgh to be with me as I recovered. I additionally bought a name from the chair of the college theatre firm asking if I meant to take authorized motion. It hadn’t crossed my thoughts: I most likely thought it might be uncool.After taking every week off from the present, I went again to the venue to talk to the solid. Folks have been actually upset for me. I felt overwhelmed with emotion. I ran out of the theatre, collapsed on to the pavement and began sobbing. I used to be stuffed with this sense that I shouldn’t be alive.A couple of yr afterwards, I had a name from the physician who had labored on me. He had written an article in regards to the damage in a medical journal: it was known as A Hit, a Palpable Hit. Once I learn it, I lastly understood the gravity of what had occurred to me. Then I didn’t speak about it for 10 or 15 years. Once in a while I’d really feel a shudder, a sense that I shouldn’t be alive.Should you look carefully, you may see a tiny scar on my backbone. The numbness in my leg has by no means gone away, however fortunately it doesn’t have an effect on my on a regular basis life. Eighteen years later, I’m not as frightened of dying as I used to be, and I’m snug speaking about what occurred.I nonetheless work in theatre: I write and carry out, and am a co-artistic director of a neighborhood storytelling organisation. Final yr, I even went again to the venue to carry out in the course of the fringe. In my present present, the principle character comes throughout a stabbing sufferer. For all I went by means of, getting stabbed on stage by no means put me off theatre – it confirmed my love for it. The privilege of performing by no means fails to excite me, however I’m tremendous acutely aware of security these days.skip previous publication promotionSign as much as Inside SaturdayThe solely method to get a glance behind the scenes of the Saturday journal. Signal as much as get the within story from our high writers in addition to all of the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox each weekend.Privateness Discover: Newsletters could comprise details about charities, on-line adverts, and content material funded by outdoors events. Should you do not need an account, we’ll create a visitor account for you on theguardian.com to ship you this text. You possibly can full full registration at any time. For extra details about how we use your knowledge see our Privateness Coverage. We use Google reCaptcha to guard our web site and the Google Privateness Coverage and Phrases of Service apply.after publication promotionOne good factor did come out of all of this: the one that phoned me from the college theatre firm is now my spouse, and we have now two kids collectively. It’s simply as nicely I didn’t sue. As instructed to Chiara Wilkinson Olly Hawes’ Outdated Fats F**ok Up is at Riverside Studios, London, to twenty December 2025Do you will have an expertise to share? Electronic mail expertise@theguardian.com