I am the king of the common cold – and I can tell you how to avoid one | Adrian Chiles

This time final yr, I used to be on a TV programme with three singers. There was a rapper of Ghanaian heritage, an enormous pop star, and a well-known mezzo-soprano. It was deep midwinter. The evening earlier than, I’d been at an previous good friend’s sixtieth birthday, crammed into the operate room of a pub someplace in Surrey. It had been a superb evening, however now, only for one thing to say, I questioned the way it was doable to keep away from catching a chilly when half the individuals on the social gathering had been gamers in a symphony of coughs, sneezes, snuffles and nose-blows. By the way in which, how come some individuals have nose-blows like trumpets, and others don’t? A query for one more day.At point out of my evening out, this trio of troubadours within the TV inexperienced room did two issues. First, they shrunk away from me barely. Second, they engaged in a feverishly enthusiastic dialogue on find out how to keep away from catching colds which, naturally sufficient given their line of labor, was one thing of an obsession for them. I get that, however I’ve pores and skin on this sport too – I need to keep away from colds in any respect prices as a result of the colds I get are worse than anybody else’s. I don’t have a medical certificates to substantiate this, however I do know it to be true. My colds last more. My nostril is extra blocked, my throat is scratchier, my coughing matches are louder, barkier and apparently infinite. My household, smart to the couple of fast throat-clearances which herald the approaching storm, both kick me out of the room, or clear the room themselves. Again once I introduced soccer on ITV, my poor colleagues within the studio gallery grew attuned to the warning indicators. “Cans off!” the studio director would holler to his crew, earlier than I deafened all of them, blowing the wiring of their headphones.As for my blocked noses, don’t begin me. Sprays, drops, even the electrical shock of fumes of boiling plum brandy my mum prescribes … all of them work for some time earlier than admitting defeat. And there’s nothing as pitiable because the sound of a Birmingham accent spoken with out the advantage of air passing by the nostrils. I imply, it sounds a bit nasally restricted at the very best of instances. At the very least this elicits sympathy, which isn’t all the time a superb factor. In my first yr away at college, away from my mum and her medicinal brandy, the cleaner in our halls of residence took pity on me. “I’ve bought simply the factor for that, you poor factor. I’ll be again in a minute.” She was very beautiful, very Irish, and really insistent that I ate the peeled, uncooked onion she delivered to my sickbed. She stood and watched me achieve this. Bless her. Didn’t obtain something, I’m afraid, aside from sending my guts into raptures and making my breath odor horrible.So no, I hate colds and am fairly certain that prevention is healthier than the cures which, onion-based or in any other case, don’t work. I paid shut consideration then, together with the rapper and the pop star, when the mezzo-soprano walked us by her chilly avoidance regime. With forthcoming bookings to sing for her supper over Christmas, she clearly took all of it very severely. She commanded us to use hand sanitiser on the hour, each hour (all winter lengthy, so far as I may deduce) and, along with this, there have been particular precautions required when it got here to events and what not. Forward of any such engagement, she advisable a few blasts of Vicks First Defence (different manufacturers can be found) up every nostril – whether or not you felt a chilly coming or not. Excessive. I prefer it. And, get this, she insisted on following it up after the social gathering with one other couple of squirts of the identical stuff.I used to be in. And I’ve to say, I snuffled not as soon as all final winter. There have been downsides: the numerous bottles of First Defence I purchased, mislaid, purchased once more, discovered, and many others. And that dispiriting second you realise you’ve sat on the little vessel of hand gel you left in your again pocket and it’s now splurging in all places. Nonetheless, all a value value paying. And now winter’s upon us once more, I’m re-armed to the enamel with the mezzo-soprano’s advisable ordnance. I’m prepared for battle. Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster, author and Guardian columnist