Jon Stewart on Donald Trump: ‘Something is up with his health’ | Late-night TV roundup

Late-night hosts react to hypothesis over Donald Trump’s well being and the newly launched screenshot of Trump’s alleged lewd birthday letter to Jeffrey Epstein.Jon StewartJon Stewart returned to his Monday perch for The Each day Present’s new season amid rampant hypothesis over the president’s well being, after he wasn’t seen in public for a number of days over Labor Day weekend. “You individuals, you reporters, haven’t any chill!” Stewart mock-scolded after a number of clips of speaking heads questioning if Trump had died. “Man can’t take just a few days for some R&R and a non-surgical breast discount with out all people instantly pulling out the toe tags? It does say one thing in regards to the ubiquity of Donald Trump in our lives that we don’t hear from him for 20 minutes and we’re like: ‘He’s lifeless!’”“In fact Trump didn’t die in workplace,” he added. “However I wouldn’t put it previous him, making an attempt as soon as once more to take credit score for one thing Biden had already completed.”Nonetheless, Stewart conceded, “one thing is up together with his well being”. He performed one other sequence of clips of reporters commenting on the president’s swollen ankles, bruised palms and “lumpy” eyes.“See, that is the issue with our superficial Instagram tradition,” he joked. “We’ve got unrealistic expectations on this nation in regards to the quantity of fluid our our bodies ought to be capable of clear subcutaneously. It sends the improper message to younger individuals. These actually are usually not medical value determinations. It’s simply extra like insults.”However, to be honest, “it’s not simply the bodily signs that make you assume the president is transitioning from this mortal coil. It’s that every time any of his largest supporters are with him, it feels like they’re saying goodbye,” Stewart famous. “As soon as you start to note it, you start to see actually the entire vibe round this president may be very Make-A-Want child. Everybody who reveals as much as his workplace makes one among his goals come true.”Stewart listed a few of these so-called “Make-A-Want moments”, similar to Trump receiving an honorary United States Marshals Service badge, requires him to obtain a Nobel peace prize, and the supreme court docket permitting federal brokers to deport individuals primarily based on their race or spoken language.“Hey, the excellent news: the supreme court docket helps affirmative motion primarily based on race,” Stewart stated. “The dangerous information is that motion is Ice deporting you. What the fuck? What sort of Make-A-Want child desires to nullify the fourth modification?”Stewart concluded with a black-and-white filter mimicking The Twilight Zone. “In your consideration: a nation held hostage by the delicate ego of a manbaby president, who might or is probably not dying of hand syphilis,” he stated. “I don’t know if he’s dying. He’s weirdly puffy. And who we’re trapped with for at the least three extra years … in The Twilight Zone.”Stephen ColbertStephen Colbert celebrated the tenth anniversary of The Late Present on Monday however remained centered on present occasions – specifically, Trump’s government order renaming the Division of the Protection because the Division of Conflict.“Ooh, a rebrand!” Colbert joked. “ what meaning! The Pentagon is getting bangs!”Trump defined that the Division of Protection was so named after the nation “went woke”.“Bear in mind, they modified it to the Division of Protection through the Truman administration,” stated Colbert. “, that famously woke period. In spite of everything, they did drop the atomic bomb from the Enola Homosexual … What’s improper with Enola Straight, huh?”In different information, “irrespective of what number of Democratic cities Donald Trump invades, the Jeffrey Epstein story simply gained’t dangle itself”, Colbert quipped. And on Monday, the congressional oversight committee launched a screenshot of a letter that Trump allegedly wrote to Epstein on Epstein’s birthday, by which it alluded to a “great secret” the 2 shared inside a doodle of a unadorned lady’s physique, with Trump’s signature representing pubic hair. (This was after Trump denied the story and sued the Wall Avenue Journal for $10bn.)Trump’s letter was reportedly throughout the “pals” part of Epstein’s birthday guide. “It’s similar to the sitcom’s theme tune,” Colbert quipped, singing to the tune of Pals: “So nobody advised you you had been on a pervert’s airplane / Oh wait, they advised you and you continue to bought on his airplane.”Jimmy KimmelIn Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel relished the boos that Trump acquired whereas attending the US Open over the weekend. “Are you aware how a lot of a jerk you must be to get booed by a tennis crowd?” he laughed. “They’re not, like, pure booers. They’re Chablis-drinking Volvo drivers who assume strawberries are dessert. Hockey followers will boo a child carrying a improper jersey. Tennis followers? In the event that they’re booing, you deserve it.”On the match, Trump sat within the Rolex sales space – “something with a crown is like catnip to him, he can’t resist it,” Kimmel famous. And as soon as once more, “all eyes had been on his palms”. The president’s proper hand was clearly plastered with, as Kimmel described it, “some type of putty” that didn’t match the colour of his pores and skin.“Between his face, his neck and his hand, his pores and skin has extra colours than a Sherwin-Williams retailer proper now,” Kimmel joked. “It’s too dangerous he hates drag queens, as a result of they may educate him a factor or two about mixing basis.”Kimmel then pivoted to “the story Trump doesn’t need you to see”: the continued Epstein scandal, particularly after Democrats launched the picture of the obvious birthday letter. “That isn’t a birthday observe. That may be a signed confession,” stated Kimmel. “That letter is so creepy, it ought to have its personal documentary sequence on Netflix.”Seth MeyersAnd on Late Evening, Seth Meyers briefly reacted to the Epstein birthday observe, which was launched simply earlier than taping. “Now I believe I do know why he’s been spinning out a lot,” he stated. “Except for his ties to a infamous intercourse trafficker, he doesn’t need individuals to know he’s such a shit artist. Simply get a card from Hallmark subsequent time!”Meyers additionally mentioned Trump’s rebrand of the Division of Protection, named in 1945, to the much less “woke” title of Division of Conflict.“Are you saying America went woke in 1945? I should have missed that within the outdated information reels,” he laughed. “So what’s this actually about? Is a reputation change imagined to intimidate our enemies? Or is the meant viewers right here at residence? As a result of whereas the president is threatening conflict overseas, he appears much more interested by waging conflict towards Individuals,” similar to threatening to deploy nationwide guard troops to Chicago. “I’m sorry, sir, however this isn’t going to look good in your utility for a Nobel peace prize,” Meyers joked, aiming at Trump supporters clamoring for the award.“Trump doesn’t simply wish to intimidate enemies overseas, he desires to cow his opponents into submission right here at residence,” he concluded. “On the identical time, he doesn’t appear to recollect the issues he says or does each day, or the place he’s, or the place he simply got here from.”