My partner fantasises about men during sex – and it makes me feel undesired as a woman | Life and style

My accomplice has at all times been aroused by homosexual sexual acts and solely actually manages to have intercourse with this stimulus. He was trustworthy about this from the beginning. I’m fairly open-minded and went together with lots of eventualities that turned him on. He says it’s only a kink and he’s not homosexual. Nevertheless, now each time we now have intercourse it’s at all times targeted on the fantasy of him being with a person. He by no means appears at me with want apart from saying my face is admittedly fairly. I can stroll about bare and he received’t bat an eyelid. He sees me as a femdom, which I feel means he likes me to make him “come out”. He’s an trustworthy man, good to me and we get alongside completely. I simply really feel a bit undesired as a girl and fear sooner or later he’ll resolve he’s, in reality, homosexual. What ought to I do? He swears he solely needs to be with me and can at all times love me, won’t ever cheat, and I fully belief him. I don’t wish to speak about it in case I make him really feel dangerous about himself, as I need him to really feel protected and accepted. Ought to I give up worrying about my very own hangups?Completely different {couples} make all types of various pacts with one another – some spoken, some unstated. In your partnership it appears you initially discovered parity; you each benefited from the association between you. Apart from being pleased in your on a regular basis lives collectively, you have been in a position to make use of your sexual creativity to fulfill him, and in flip maybe he was capable of keep away from having to acknowledge points of his sexual orientation that made him uncomfortable.For so long as you felt this pact was honest, you have been pleased with it, however now the stability has modified and you might be longing to be actually desired. You’ll have to think twice about whether or not the advantages of being with him outweigh the difficulties.What’s most necessary is to cease belittling your emotions as your “personal hangups”. A lady is aware of if she is undesired, and it is vitally painful. You’re caring and protecting of him and his emotions, however your personal emotions are robust and legitimate and they need to be revered, by each of you. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual problems. If you need recommendation from Pamela on sexual issues, ship us a short description of your issues to personal.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t ship attachments). Every week, Pamela chooses one drawback to reply, which can be revealed on-line. She regrets that she can not enter into private correspondence. Submissions are topic to our phrases and circumstances.