Sibling fights are common, and so is the concern of being punished afterwards. Preity Zinta, who has an elder brother, as soon as shared a childhood reminiscence on the then-popular speak present Jeena Isi Ka Naam Hai. After a struggle escalated, Zinta ended up hitting her brother on the pinnacle, leaving him in tears. “Uski aur meri ladai ho gayi ek bari aur maine patthar leke uska sar phod diya… phir wo rone lag gaya” [We had a big fight and I hit his head with a stone, and then he started crying].
The Veer-Zaara actor recalled how her father reacted every time she cried: “Jab essential chhoti thi to kabhi bhi roti thi to mere papa mujhe bolte the, ‘Tum Rajput nahi ho, tum Rajput ki dum ho… Rajput rote nahi hain’” [When I was little and cried, my father would tell me: you’re not a real Rajput, Rajputs don’t cry]. Innocently repeating what she had learnt, she slapped her brother and advised him the identical factor: “Maine fatak karke ek thappad maar ke bola, ‘Tum Rajput nahi ho, rona band karo.’ He stopped crying.”
However the non permanent repair didn’t calm her nerves. When she heard her mom return house, little Preity panicked on the considered being scolded. Terrified, she crawled underneath a desk, fell asleep, and ended up spending the complete evening there. “Mother aayi to mujhe pata tha ki ab dhulai hone wali hai, to essential desk ke neeche chhup gayi. Puri raat essential desk ke neeche so gayi” [When my mum came home, I knew I would be scolded, so I hid under the table. I slept there the whole night].
“Jab essential chhoti thi to kabhi bhi roti thi to mere papa mujhe bolte the, ‘Tum Rajput nahi ho, tum Rajput ki dum ho… Rajput rote nahi hain’”
Naturally, her mother and father panicked and commenced a frantic search, even involving the police. “In logon ne socha ki essential darr ke maare ghar chhod ke chali gayi hoon. Logon ko bheja idhar-udhar, police ko bulaya” [They thought I had run away out of fear. They sent people searching and even called the police].
The story ended fortunately the subsequent morning when the household’s maid lastly noticed the little woman. “Important puri raat desk ke neeche so rahi thi. Subah bai ne aake mujhe dekha ki yeh toh yahan baithi hui hai” [I had been under the table all night. In the morning, the maid found me sitting there].
Whereas humorous and relatable, the incident highlights an essential facet of the father or mother–youngster dynamic. Taking a cue from Zinta’s expertise, we requested Ms Arpita Kohli, psychologist at PSRI Hospital, why kids instinctively conceal after making a mistake.
Q. When a toddler is advised issues like “Rajputs don’t cry” or “Be sturdy, don’t cry”, how does it have an effect on them emotionally?
Ms Kohli tells indianexpress.com that discouraging a toddler from crying makes them affiliate feelings with weak spot or disgrace. “This creates emotional suppression, the place the kid learns to cover their true emotions as a substitute of processing them in a wholesome manner,” she explains. Over time, this will result in difficulties in emotional regulation, nervousness, and even anger points. “It’d appear like resilience, but it surely teaches a toddler that vulnerability is unacceptable.”Story continues under this advert
Q. When kids mock or dismiss another person who’s crying, what does that reveal about what they’ve learnt?
Kids imitate what they see. “When a toddler mocks one other for crying, it displays realized insensitivity — they’re repeating what was normalised for them,” Kohli says. This prevents empathy from growing. “If a toddler grows up in an emotionally invalidating atmosphere, they could battle to know others’ emotions in addition to their very own.”
Preity Zinta has an elder brother, Deepankar and one yongder brother, Manish (Picture: Instagram/Preity Zinta)
Q. Why do some kids turn into so frightened of punishment that they conceal after making a mistake?
“Concern-based parenting or harsh reactions to errors situation kids to affiliate errors with rejection or punishment,” she explains. As an alternative of accountability, their intuition turns into self-protection. “These kids conceal, lie, or withdraw to keep away from confrontation. Over time, this harms vanity and discourages open communication.”
Q. How can mother and father be sure that a toddler’s first intuition after making a mistake is honesty, not concern?
In keeping with Kohli, the hot button is creating an emotionally protected atmosphere the place honesty is valued greater than perfection. “When a toddler makes a mistake, mother and father ought to keep calm, hear first, and clarify penalties as a substitute of reacting with blame or disgrace.” She recommends optimistic reinforcement, comparable to acknowledging honesty even when the kid admits wrongdoing. “Phrases like ‘I’m glad you advised me’ or ‘We’ll repair this collectively’ assist kids belief that errors are a part of studying, not causes for punishment.”
